I have been watching the following lately:

1) All 5 seasons of "Mad Men."
2) Season One of "Downton Abbey."
3) The Masterpiece Theatre version of "Wuthering Heights" with Tom Hardy.
4) "True Blood" Season 4

All of these amazing shows have made me love acting again. It's so exciting to know that great shows are being written and that talented actor are out there working! I'm not sure if it means I will act myself in the near future but I am glad I can still love something I'm not currently pursuing. People have asked me if I watch TV/movies like an "actor." I don't know if I do. I think I watch them in a way "normal" people do. If it's good, I enjoy it. If it sucks, I get bored. But I guess I have a lot of respect for the "art" of acting and sadly, I'm not sure most people in this country do. So maybe that makes me different.


Here are some other great things I saw this year that I feel compelled to mention:

1) "Mildred Pierce" with Kate Winslet.
2) "30 Rock" (this show embodies all of my comedic aspirations)
3) "Game of Thrones" Season 1
4) "Boardwalk Empire" Season 1 (not the season finale because our free HBO ran out... no spoilers please!)
5) "Sons of Anarchy" Season 4
6) "Nikita" Season 2
7) "Desperate Housewives"Final Season

All of these are TV. For movies, I really enjoyed the movie "Greenburg" with Ben Stiller. I have it DVRed and have seen it 3 times. There are so many moments in that movie that I sometimes replay in my head because they're so genius. And I'm utterly in love with Greta Gerwig who coincidentally went to college with my cousin and her husband and they said she was always really nice.

That's about it for now. I'm not really into reviewing things. My rating system is like this:

(1) Loved it.
(2) Liked it.
(3) Meh.
(4) It's CRAP.

And I LOVE everything I mentioned above.

30!

I got the job! I know I don't want to do it forever but I feel good because (a) hard work paid off (b) a little more money and (c) I'm working with a nice group of people. Also, today I realized I really like being 30.

My one year anniversary in LA is coming up. I can't really assess if I accomplished what I wanted because I don't think I knew exactly what I wanted to accomplish when I came here. I thought I wanted to act in film and tv but the things you have to do to get there just aren't worth it to me anymore. A new position has opened up at work... I was encouraged to apply so I'm hoping this is a sign that they want me. We'll see. My company can be like a shit boyfriend... he'll be kind and sweet and make you weak in the knees, and when you least expect it, he'll tell you to put on a dress, meet him at a fancy restaurant and then not show-up. By the way, this has never happened to me in real life thank God but it's kinda how I think my place of work can be. I'm happy to be working though so I won't complain. Anyway, I will post more soon!

My cousin who is a year younger than me got married this summer. My younger brother is now married. And I just got off the phone with my mom who said my other cousin who is a year younger than me is getting married before August of this year. I feel bad that I immediately became defensive with my mother but she started talking about planning my wedding and asking if Manny and I had plans. That's a silly question. We've been together for 5, almost 6 years now and after the first month we were together, I knew I was going to marry him. We talk about it all the time. However, we have our own things that we are working on right now and solidifying our relationship on paper is a little lower on our list of priorities. I don't understand why people can't accept that. I hate it when people ask me, "Do you just not believe in marriage?" I believe in monogomy and spending your life with that person and that to me is marriage, not some ceremony or paper the government provides. However, I am an old-fashioned girl and I do want to have a small wedding (on the beach or on a farm... lovely music... yes, I think about it) and I do want to have a ring (preferably not a blood diamond) and I want to be able to refer to Manny as my husband in the legal sense.

Lately I have felt a lot of pressure to be this, do that, get here, accomplish that. It's not just outside pressure. I admit a lot of it comes from myself. Right now I'm trying to enjoy the moment, to actually live. I love walking around my neighborhood. I love eating at all the yummy places in Little Tokyo. I love being at home in my nice apartment with my cats. It's the simple things I'm focusing on right now. Slowly but surely I'm getting back the Meg I feel like I lost when I was 25 and let the world kick the crap out of me.

I'm going to be honest though. Hearing that my cousin is getting married made me a little sad. It made me feel like I'm being left behind. I have one more younger cousin and if he were to get married before me, which is actually pretty likely then I will feel pretty rotten. Being honest with myself feels good. I have these feelings and I'm accepting them for what they are. I know I won't feel this forever and the sooner I feel them and let them run its course, the sooner I can move on.

Anyway, I've been trying not to take things personally lately and the thing with that is you start to see other people's insecurities or issues. Not taking things personally has helped me step back and see the bigger picture of why that person is behaving in such a way. It's a hard thing to do but I think I'm actually getting better at it!

Okay, enough of that seriousness. I'm taking a break now from watching "Midnight in Paris." So far it's excellent. Which also makes me wonder how people can belittle actors and think what they do doesn't mean anything? I may not be pursuing acting professionally but I will always love actors, respect them and defend them (except the ones who suck, are superficial or total dicks.) =)

Yesterday was an incredibly frustrating day filled with anxiety and stress. I think a full week of work, being stuck in traffic when I commuted to and from work, and not doing anything acting-related took a toll on me. I'm in a much better place today thanks to a decent night's sleep and lunch with a writer friend from NYC. As corny as it sound, I think the Universe does listen to you. Getting up every weekday at 7am to go to work was starting to depress me because I felt like I was straying away from who I am and what I want to do, which is to act, improv, write, make people laugh... And then all of a sudden someone we worked with in NYC blows into town and lo and behold next weekend Manny and I are shooting a sketch that is crap in your pants funny! It's not going to be professionally shot and edited and we're not trying to get famous with it ... all that matters is we're doing something!

A lot of the "young" people I work with went to grad. school and have an MBA or Masters in Social Work or Urban Planning and sometimes I don't feel as smart or accomplished as them but I have to remind myself that I took a different road in my twenties and I'm still on a different road. At this point, I do not want to go to grad. school. But at the same time, I want a career job that satisifies me but doesn't have me working 80 hours a week or stresses me out on a regular basis because I still want time to do my acting. I don't want to be an Office Manager forever. It's really a thankless job, though I'm still thankful I have it and am making some dough.

Anyway, when I have a really bad day like yesterday it's usually rock bottom and then I come back up. I'm doing better today... got a load of laundry going and have two more and then I plan to watch all of my DVRed cooking shows and eat some popcorn!

As I proofread this post, I realize that my writing kind of sucks which is why I  need to keep up with this blog because hopefully it will help with that!

Today is a Thanksgiving of many Firsts. This is our first Thanksgiving being away from both of our families. This is our first Thanksgiving in LA. And lastly, this is the first Thanksgiving where I made all of the food. We ate early. 3pm. =) But we have leftovers which we will munch on later. There is still pie to be eaten and a carton of Coconut Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Swirl ice cream. I wanted to do a Vegan Thanksgiving. I guess you could say it was except for the salmon I made but Manny really likes fish and I got wild-caught, sustainable salmon which is natural and does not ruin the eco-system. Plus he just got a job so I think he deserved to be pampered a little. The best thing I made was the mushroom gravy. I sauteed crimini mushrooms with a shallot until it carmelized a little. Then I added some chickpea flour, soy butter and nutritional yeast to make a roux of sorts. Lastly I added vegetable stock and seasoned it with a little salt, pepper and paprika. I let the gravy cook down to proper consistency and then it was ready! I will have to make it again because I think it'd be delicious with biscuits and/or lentil loaf.

I get annoyed with following recipes. So my method of cooking is very similar to my method for acting. In acting, I do the research and get my lines down. When it is time to act, I stop thinking and trust that the work I did will give me the freedom to be creative and real. In cooking, I watch a lot of cooking shows, peruse my "How to Cook Everything Vegetarian" bible, make sure I have the general ingredients and then let myself loosely experiment. I am glad to be here in LA. There are still aspects of life here that are difficult but I truly believe with time and work, we will be in a good place. I am full. Onaka ippai! (what I would say at my old job.) But I think some Chocolate Peanutbutter Swirl ice cream is in order. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I have not been doing well with NaNoWriMo. =( However, I have a good excuse for this week! I'm auditioning for  UCB Sketch team later today so I have been working on 3 minutes of comedic material to do... so I had to put my creative energy elsewhere.

I turned 30. I'm 30! I didn't really plan anything and it's not like I expected to feel a huge shift in my life but I'm pretty proud of myself because I wanted to move back to California, get into shape and not work in a restaurant before 30... and I did it! Living in LA has been tough and there's still much work to be done in terms of getting into shape but I'm glad those goals have momentum behind them so I'm starting my 30's doing what I want to be doing. I'm still not sure where acting fits into my life but for the time being, I want to keep doing it whenever I get the chance and I want to keep growing as an artist. It's such a cliche but it's very much true.