Resolutions for 2013

(1) Be more vegan.
(2) Do more yoga.
(3) Walk and take public transit more.
(4) Go to Disneyland.

Clearly this is a work in progress... more on this later.

LA

Reasons I love LA:

(1) the weather
(2) it's so lovely to take walks where I live
(3) cats just hanging out, beautiful and sweet cats that I can pet
(4) my spacious apartment
(5) veggie grill
(6) quiet
(7) farmer's markets
(8) beach -- though I really do need to go more
(9) yoga --as a moving meditation... not just something to fit into your schedule
(10) hills

NYC

I miss you NYC. Even when I felt lonely there, it was beautiful, special and meaningful. Being lonely in LA is just being lonely. But like all new things, it takes time to get used to so while I  will keep missing NYC, I'll be open to my new home.

East meets West?

I decided today that I'm going to leave my blog open while I'm at work. I have all these thoughts and it's nice to get them out. I carried around a notebook for awhile but it's hard to whip it out when I'm at work. Typing into my blog is easier to hide because I can just minimize the window if I hear someone walking by.

I ate a butterscotch See's pop and then I had some Asian candy (matcha/milk chewy thing and a menthol lemon hard candy). They were so different and I can't say what's better. That's how I feel being Taiwanese but born and raised in America. I like both sides of my cultures and I can't say if I like one more. I guess that's good. I like embracing all of me.

If it makes you happy...

"Happiness" has been on my mind a lot recently. I'm not saying I'm a mind reader but I'm hypersensitive to people's feelings. I can always pick-up on someone's sadness, anger or unhappiness.  Sometimes when I talk to people and see them, I feel like I'm watching from afar and watching in slow motion. A lot of people in my life are so unhappy. The sad part is they act like they are. The thing is they spend so much time and energy proving to the rest of the world that they are happy. Why spend time and energy on the facade of happiness when you could just as easily be happy?

I'm not saying I myself  know the key to happiness, but what I do know is that putting happiness on hold by saying, "I'll be happy when I find the right guy/girl, finally get into shape, learn to make a souffle, buy a house, get that dream job, make X amount of money, have kids, etc. etc" is just letting someone or something else give you happiness. You should really be giving yourself happiness. This is a lesson I've been learning for the last 1+ year and I'm grateful to say, I think I'm getting it.

Must focus! That's all. I let myself rest too long. It's time to get back to all my life projects!

I have been watching the following lately:

1) All 5 seasons of "Mad Men."
2) Season One of "Downton Abbey."
3) The Masterpiece Theatre version of "Wuthering Heights" with Tom Hardy.
4) "True Blood" Season 4

All of these amazing shows have made me love acting again. It's so exciting to know that great shows are being written and that talented actor are out there working! I'm not sure if it means I will act myself in the near future but I am glad I can still love something I'm not currently pursuing. People have asked me if I watch TV/movies like an "actor." I don't know if I do. I think I watch them in a way "normal" people do. If it's good, I enjoy it. If it sucks, I get bored. But I guess I have a lot of respect for the "art" of acting and sadly, I'm not sure most people in this country do. So maybe that makes me different.


Here are some other great things I saw this year that I feel compelled to mention:

1) "Mildred Pierce" with Kate Winslet.
2) "30 Rock" (this show embodies all of my comedic aspirations)
3) "Game of Thrones" Season 1
4) "Boardwalk Empire" Season 1 (not the season finale because our free HBO ran out... no spoilers please!)
5) "Sons of Anarchy" Season 4
6) "Nikita" Season 2
7) "Desperate Housewives"Final Season

All of these are TV. For movies, I really enjoyed the movie "Greenburg" with Ben Stiller. I have it DVRed and have seen it 3 times. There are so many moments in that movie that I sometimes replay in my head because they're so genius. And I'm utterly in love with Greta Gerwig who coincidentally went to college with my cousin and her husband and they said she was always really nice.

That's about it for now. I'm not really into reviewing things. My rating system is like this:

(1) Loved it.
(2) Liked it.
(3) Meh.
(4) It's CRAP.

And I LOVE everything I mentioned above.

30!

I got the job! I know I don't want to do it forever but I feel good because (a) hard work paid off (b) a little more money and (c) I'm working with a nice group of people. Also, today I realized I really like being 30.

My one year anniversary in LA is coming up. I can't really assess if I accomplished what I wanted because I don't think I knew exactly what I wanted to accomplish when I came here. I thought I wanted to act in film and tv but the things you have to do to get there just aren't worth it to me anymore. A new position has opened up at work... I was encouraged to apply so I'm hoping this is a sign that they want me. We'll see. My company can be like a shit boyfriend... he'll be kind and sweet and make you weak in the knees, and when you least expect it, he'll tell you to put on a dress, meet him at a fancy restaurant and then not show-up. By the way, this has never happened to me in real life thank God but it's kinda how I think my place of work can be. I'm happy to be working though so I won't complain. Anyway, I will post more soon!

My cousin who is a year younger than me got married this summer. My younger brother is now married. And I just got off the phone with my mom who said my other cousin who is a year younger than me is getting married before August of this year. I feel bad that I immediately became defensive with my mother but she started talking about planning my wedding and asking if Manny and I had plans. That's a silly question. We've been together for 5, almost 6 years now and after the first month we were together, I knew I was going to marry him. We talk about it all the time. However, we have our own things that we are working on right now and solidifying our relationship on paper is a little lower on our list of priorities. I don't understand why people can't accept that. I hate it when people ask me, "Do you just not believe in marriage?" I believe in monogomy and spending your life with that person and that to me is marriage, not some ceremony or paper the government provides. However, I am an old-fashioned girl and I do want to have a small wedding (on the beach or on a farm... lovely music... yes, I think about it) and I do want to have a ring (preferably not a blood diamond) and I want to be able to refer to Manny as my husband in the legal sense.

Lately I have felt a lot of pressure to be this, do that, get here, accomplish that. It's not just outside pressure. I admit a lot of it comes from myself. Right now I'm trying to enjoy the moment, to actually live. I love walking around my neighborhood. I love eating at all the yummy places in Little Tokyo. I love being at home in my nice apartment with my cats. It's the simple things I'm focusing on right now. Slowly but surely I'm getting back the Meg I feel like I lost when I was 25 and let the world kick the crap out of me.

I'm going to be honest though. Hearing that my cousin is getting married made me a little sad. It made me feel like I'm being left behind. I have one more younger cousin and if he were to get married before me, which is actually pretty likely then I will feel pretty rotten. Being honest with myself feels good. I have these feelings and I'm accepting them for what they are. I know I won't feel this forever and the sooner I feel them and let them run its course, the sooner I can move on.

Anyway, I've been trying not to take things personally lately and the thing with that is you start to see other people's insecurities or issues. Not taking things personally has helped me step back and see the bigger picture of why that person is behaving in such a way. It's a hard thing to do but I think I'm actually getting better at it!

Okay, enough of that seriousness. I'm taking a break now from watching "Midnight in Paris." So far it's excellent. Which also makes me wonder how people can belittle actors and think what they do doesn't mean anything? I may not be pursuing acting professionally but I will always love actors, respect them and defend them (except the ones who suck, are superficial or total dicks.) =)