My cousin who is a year younger than me got married this summer. My younger brother is now married. And I just got off the phone with my mom who said my other cousin who is a year younger than me is getting married before August of this year. I feel bad that I immediately became defensive with my mother but she started talking about planning my wedding and asking if Manny and I had plans. That's a silly question. We've been together for 5, almost 6 years now and after the first month we were together, I knew I was going to marry him. We talk about it all the time. However, we have our own things that we are working on right now and solidifying our relationship on paper is a little lower on our list of priorities. I don't understand why people can't accept that. I hate it when people ask me, "Do you just not believe in marriage?" I believe in monogomy and spending your life with that person and that to me is marriage, not some ceremony or paper the government provides. However, I am an old-fashioned girl and I do want to have a small wedding (on the beach or on a farm... lovely music... yes, I think about it) and I do want to have a ring (preferably not a blood diamond) and I want to be able to refer to Manny as my husband in the legal sense.

Lately I have felt a lot of pressure to be this, do that, get here, accomplish that. It's not just outside pressure. I admit a lot of it comes from myself. Right now I'm trying to enjoy the moment, to actually live. I love walking around my neighborhood. I love eating at all the yummy places in Little Tokyo. I love being at home in my nice apartment with my cats. It's the simple things I'm focusing on right now. Slowly but surely I'm getting back the Meg I feel like I lost when I was 25 and let the world kick the crap out of me.

I'm going to be honest though. Hearing that my cousin is getting married made me a little sad. It made me feel like I'm being left behind. I have one more younger cousin and if he were to get married before me, which is actually pretty likely then I will feel pretty rotten. Being honest with myself feels good. I have these feelings and I'm accepting them for what they are. I know I won't feel this forever and the sooner I feel them and let them run its course, the sooner I can move on.

Anyway, I've been trying not to take things personally lately and the thing with that is you start to see other people's insecurities or issues. Not taking things personally has helped me step back and see the bigger picture of why that person is behaving in such a way. It's a hard thing to do but I think I'm actually getting better at it!

Okay, enough of that seriousness. I'm taking a break now from watching "Midnight in Paris." So far it's excellent. Which also makes me wonder how people can belittle actors and think what they do doesn't mean anything? I may not be pursuing acting professionally but I will always love actors, respect them and defend them (except the ones who suck, are superficial or total dicks.) =)