Maybe this is corny but it makes me feel better:

Dearest Miaka aka Buddy,

Thank you for being in our lives. You made my relationship with Manny stronger. The minute we got you, we definitely fought a lot less. I will always appreciate the times you stayed in bed with him while he was recovering from surgery. You were a source of comfort to him and you made it easier for me to be at work and not worry so much. We've been through a lot together and you were a real trooper on your first plane ride and and the crazy move we made to LA.  Thank you for making us laugh with your weird cat behavior, for being so sweet and cuddly and for being a friend/roommate to Jelly. I know you are in animal heaven playing with the other animals and eating all the delicious food you want.

Love,
Meg

Gossip.

This week I vow to not gossip. Yes. I admit it. I do it. But perhaps I'm most guilty of listening to it and then either egging the person on by being an avid listener or asking questions. I hate this. I always feel a little gross after I do it. And I really hate it when it's about people I barely even know. One of my work relationships thrived on gossip. This girl/woman was a real devout gossiper. I noticed that whenever I complained about someone , she was always there to listen, contribute and then she would come back later and want to talk about it some more. When I stopped telling her things, she stopped coming around. Interesting. So starting this week, I'm going to keep my mouth shut and if someone wants to tell me some dirt, I'll be as polite as I can while disengaging. I want to be a better person. Hopefully this won't make life boring!

CSA

After year's of picking up other people's produce box while they were on vacation, I have finally become a member of my own CSA here in LA. This week was my second pick-up and it was so exciting! This is where I wish I had a better camera so I could take a photo of everything and post it up.

One of the veggies I got is Mizuna. I'm sooo excited to use this because I was first introduced to it while working at a Shojin restaurant in NYC. Mizuna is a green that has a slight mustard flavor to it. It can be eaten in salad form or sauteed, added to soup etc. Basically you can do almost anything with it. I'm still deciding if I want to go the salad route or the sauteed route. Being of Taiwanese-descent, my first instinct when it comes to a vegetable is to saute it with garlic!

I must admit that it did give me a bit of anxiety to have all this produce in my refrigerator. It means I have to cook it all. But at the same time, I feel like it's a challenge and a chance for me to be creative with vegetables that I'm not familiar with. Also, there's a decent amount of fruit in the box and since this is California, of course we have tons of citrus. I actually don't like to eat fruit so much. I eat bananas regularly but that's about it. I think I was traumatized by the horrible fruit in NYC grocery stores. The only time I had fruit was when I bought it from the Union Square Green Market but because it was kind of far from my apartment and always crowded, I only frequented it maybe once every 2 months and in the winter... NEVER. So joining this CSA has 2 really good perks, it's making me be more creative in the kitchen and it's also making me eat fruit!

Big Purchases

I used to love taking photos and uploading them to this blog... way back when. But my camera, which I bought in 2005 is really sucking and it is such a chore to get it working. So... plans for the purchase of a new one are in order. Laziness is really preventing me from researching. Also, after watching "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" we have decided that another big purchase we'd like to make is a juicer. I have mixed feelings about juicing. Most of those feelings are positive but my mother believes in yin/yang eating and according to her consuming too many fruits and raw veggies causes an imbalance. I know that fruits and veggies are good for you but I can see how too much of a good thing can be bad. However, I think if we purchased the juicer and had juice just once a day, that would be okay. I have coffee every morning so if I replaced it with a juice that would probably be a lot better for me.

Being healthy is hard but when I think about how I ate just 5 years ago, I realize I've come really far without sacrificing the enjoyment that comes with eating. As for exercise... well... considering 5 years ago I did um... NONE, I'm doing pretty awesome now. Baby steps I guess!

I have really good reasons to be super stressed right now. But for whatever reason, I think I'm okay. I guess that's good! I've really been staying away from dairy lately and it feels good. I almost got ice cream tonight but my valentine convinced me otherwise. He asked me if I would feel physically awful tomorrow morning and the answer was "yes." So instead I chose a coconut ice cream bar covered in chocolate and almonds and it was amazing! Who needs dairy? Not me! I'm no baby cow.

Balance

Work. Is. So. Busy. I guess that's a good thing. We had a new co-worker but she was let go after just a month. I felt bad for her but I think the job wasn't right for her. Our generation takes computer skills for granted but she was a little older and I think that made things a little hard for her. Anyway, for whatever reason it made me paranoid that my job was under scrutiny but I realize that's silly. Not to be all conceited but they really can't get rid of me because I do so much sh** I think they'd be kind of screwed if they suddenly got rid of me or I up and quit. Not that I think they'd do that because my office is actually really nice (with the exception of a few stupid, lazy and/or rude people).

Anyway, my life is going in all sorts of different directions. It's so unexpected. Improv. is still in my life and I applied to a post-bacc program I'm really interested in so hopefully that pans out. Other than that, I think I'm a lot happier than I was in NYC and that's very important to me. Life is just too precious and too short to be unhappy!

Also, I've been listening to this podcast called "Let's Eat In" and I guess the host wrote a book all about living in NYC and just eating in. It's really inspiring. I love going to restaurants as much as the next person but lately I've been enjoying cooking and eating at home more. Plus it's been good for my bank account. If I do take the school road, I will probably be broke for about 4 years so I might as well get used to it!

Simple.

Coconut oil is doing wonders for my hair and Lavender oil makes my apartment and car smell amazing. Today I'm going to get some Jojoba oil to moisturize my face. It's so exciting to use things that are so pure. It makes me feel free and connected to the earth. My brother likes to tell people that he has a granola sister but I just think of it as living a more simple life and simple is beautiful.

This work week was only 3 days but a very exhausting 3 days. I also ate out 4 times in the last 5 days. Ouch! But it was all in the name of socializing and that's always how it is at the beginning of the year. This weekend I just want to hangout at home with my girls and cook some healthy vegan food. Simple and nice.

Resolutions for 2013

(1) Be more vegan.
(2) Do more yoga.
(3) Walk and take public transit more.
(4) Go to Disneyland.

Clearly this is a work in progress... more on this later.

LA

Reasons I love LA:

(1) the weather
(2) it's so lovely to take walks where I live
(3) cats just hanging out, beautiful and sweet cats that I can pet
(4) my spacious apartment
(5) veggie grill
(6) quiet
(7) farmer's markets
(8) beach -- though I really do need to go more
(9) yoga --as a moving meditation... not just something to fit into your schedule
(10) hills

NYC

I miss you NYC. Even when I felt lonely there, it was beautiful, special and meaningful. Being lonely in LA is just being lonely. But like all new things, it takes time to get used to so while I  will keep missing NYC, I'll be open to my new home.

East meets West?

I decided today that I'm going to leave my blog open while I'm at work. I have all these thoughts and it's nice to get them out. I carried around a notebook for awhile but it's hard to whip it out when I'm at work. Typing into my blog is easier to hide because I can just minimize the window if I hear someone walking by.

I ate a butterscotch See's pop and then I had some Asian candy (matcha/milk chewy thing and a menthol lemon hard candy). They were so different and I can't say what's better. That's how I feel being Taiwanese but born and raised in America. I like both sides of my cultures and I can't say if I like one more. I guess that's good. I like embracing all of me.

If it makes you happy...

"Happiness" has been on my mind a lot recently. I'm not saying I'm a mind reader but I'm hypersensitive to people's feelings. I can always pick-up on someone's sadness, anger or unhappiness.  Sometimes when I talk to people and see them, I feel like I'm watching from afar and watching in slow motion. A lot of people in my life are so unhappy. The sad part is they act like they are. The thing is they spend so much time and energy proving to the rest of the world that they are happy. Why spend time and energy on the facade of happiness when you could just as easily be happy?

I'm not saying I myself  know the key to happiness, but what I do know is that putting happiness on hold by saying, "I'll be happy when I find the right guy/girl, finally get into shape, learn to make a souffle, buy a house, get that dream job, make X amount of money, have kids, etc. etc" is just letting someone or something else give you happiness. You should really be giving yourself happiness. This is a lesson I've been learning for the last 1+ year and I'm grateful to say, I think I'm getting it.

Must focus! That's all. I let myself rest too long. It's time to get back to all my life projects!

I have been watching the following lately:

1) All 5 seasons of "Mad Men."
2) Season One of "Downton Abbey."
3) The Masterpiece Theatre version of "Wuthering Heights" with Tom Hardy.
4) "True Blood" Season 4

All of these amazing shows have made me love acting again. It's so exciting to know that great shows are being written and that talented actor are out there working! I'm not sure if it means I will act myself in the near future but I am glad I can still love something I'm not currently pursuing. People have asked me if I watch TV/movies like an "actor." I don't know if I do. I think I watch them in a way "normal" people do. If it's good, I enjoy it. If it sucks, I get bored. But I guess I have a lot of respect for the "art" of acting and sadly, I'm not sure most people in this country do. So maybe that makes me different.


Here are some other great things I saw this year that I feel compelled to mention:

1) "Mildred Pierce" with Kate Winslet.
2) "30 Rock" (this show embodies all of my comedic aspirations)
3) "Game of Thrones" Season 1
4) "Boardwalk Empire" Season 1 (not the season finale because our free HBO ran out... no spoilers please!)
5) "Sons of Anarchy" Season 4
6) "Nikita" Season 2
7) "Desperate Housewives"Final Season

All of these are TV. For movies, I really enjoyed the movie "Greenburg" with Ben Stiller. I have it DVRed and have seen it 3 times. There are so many moments in that movie that I sometimes replay in my head because they're so genius. And I'm utterly in love with Greta Gerwig who coincidentally went to college with my cousin and her husband and they said she was always really nice.

That's about it for now. I'm not really into reviewing things. My rating system is like this:

(1) Loved it.
(2) Liked it.
(3) Meh.
(4) It's CRAP.

And I LOVE everything I mentioned above.

30!

I got the job! I know I don't want to do it forever but I feel good because (a) hard work paid off (b) a little more money and (c) I'm working with a nice group of people. Also, today I realized I really like being 30.

My one year anniversary in LA is coming up. I can't really assess if I accomplished what I wanted because I don't think I knew exactly what I wanted to accomplish when I came here. I thought I wanted to act in film and tv but the things you have to do to get there just aren't worth it to me anymore. A new position has opened up at work... I was encouraged to apply so I'm hoping this is a sign that they want me. We'll see. My company can be like a shit boyfriend... he'll be kind and sweet and make you weak in the knees, and when you least expect it, he'll tell you to put on a dress, meet him at a fancy restaurant and then not show-up. By the way, this has never happened to me in real life thank God but it's kinda how I think my place of work can be. I'm happy to be working though so I won't complain. Anyway, I will post more soon!

My cousin who is a year younger than me got married this summer. My younger brother is now married. And I just got off the phone with my mom who said my other cousin who is a year younger than me is getting married before August of this year. I feel bad that I immediately became defensive with my mother but she started talking about planning my wedding and asking if Manny and I had plans. That's a silly question. We've been together for 5, almost 6 years now and after the first month we were together, I knew I was going to marry him. We talk about it all the time. However, we have our own things that we are working on right now and solidifying our relationship on paper is a little lower on our list of priorities. I don't understand why people can't accept that. I hate it when people ask me, "Do you just not believe in marriage?" I believe in monogomy and spending your life with that person and that to me is marriage, not some ceremony or paper the government provides. However, I am an old-fashioned girl and I do want to have a small wedding (on the beach or on a farm... lovely music... yes, I think about it) and I do want to have a ring (preferably not a blood diamond) and I want to be able to refer to Manny as my husband in the legal sense.

Lately I have felt a lot of pressure to be this, do that, get here, accomplish that. It's not just outside pressure. I admit a lot of it comes from myself. Right now I'm trying to enjoy the moment, to actually live. I love walking around my neighborhood. I love eating at all the yummy places in Little Tokyo. I love being at home in my nice apartment with my cats. It's the simple things I'm focusing on right now. Slowly but surely I'm getting back the Meg I feel like I lost when I was 25 and let the world kick the crap out of me.

I'm going to be honest though. Hearing that my cousin is getting married made me a little sad. It made me feel like I'm being left behind. I have one more younger cousin and if he were to get married before me, which is actually pretty likely then I will feel pretty rotten. Being honest with myself feels good. I have these feelings and I'm accepting them for what they are. I know I won't feel this forever and the sooner I feel them and let them run its course, the sooner I can move on.

Anyway, I've been trying not to take things personally lately and the thing with that is you start to see other people's insecurities or issues. Not taking things personally has helped me step back and see the bigger picture of why that person is behaving in such a way. It's a hard thing to do but I think I'm actually getting better at it!

Okay, enough of that seriousness. I'm taking a break now from watching "Midnight in Paris." So far it's excellent. Which also makes me wonder how people can belittle actors and think what they do doesn't mean anything? I may not be pursuing acting professionally but I will always love actors, respect them and defend them (except the ones who suck, are superficial or total dicks.) =)

Yesterday was an incredibly frustrating day filled with anxiety and stress. I think a full week of work, being stuck in traffic when I commuted to and from work, and not doing anything acting-related took a toll on me. I'm in a much better place today thanks to a decent night's sleep and lunch with a writer friend from NYC. As corny as it sound, I think the Universe does listen to you. Getting up every weekday at 7am to go to work was starting to depress me because I felt like I was straying away from who I am and what I want to do, which is to act, improv, write, make people laugh... And then all of a sudden someone we worked with in NYC blows into town and lo and behold next weekend Manny and I are shooting a sketch that is crap in your pants funny! It's not going to be professionally shot and edited and we're not trying to get famous with it ... all that matters is we're doing something!

A lot of the "young" people I work with went to grad. school and have an MBA or Masters in Social Work or Urban Planning and sometimes I don't feel as smart or accomplished as them but I have to remind myself that I took a different road in my twenties and I'm still on a different road. At this point, I do not want to go to grad. school. But at the same time, I want a career job that satisifies me but doesn't have me working 80 hours a week or stresses me out on a regular basis because I still want time to do my acting. I don't want to be an Office Manager forever. It's really a thankless job, though I'm still thankful I have it and am making some dough.

Anyway, when I have a really bad day like yesterday it's usually rock bottom and then I come back up. I'm doing better today... got a load of laundry going and have two more and then I plan to watch all of my DVRed cooking shows and eat some popcorn!

As I proofread this post, I realize that my writing kind of sucks which is why I  need to keep up with this blog because hopefully it will help with that!

Today is a Thanksgiving of many Firsts. This is our first Thanksgiving being away from both of our families. This is our first Thanksgiving in LA. And lastly, this is the first Thanksgiving where I made all of the food. We ate early. 3pm. =) But we have leftovers which we will munch on later. There is still pie to be eaten and a carton of Coconut Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Swirl ice cream. I wanted to do a Vegan Thanksgiving. I guess you could say it was except for the salmon I made but Manny really likes fish and I got wild-caught, sustainable salmon which is natural and does not ruin the eco-system. Plus he just got a job so I think he deserved to be pampered a little. The best thing I made was the mushroom gravy. I sauteed crimini mushrooms with a shallot until it carmelized a little. Then I added some chickpea flour, soy butter and nutritional yeast to make a roux of sorts. Lastly I added vegetable stock and seasoned it with a little salt, pepper and paprika. I let the gravy cook down to proper consistency and then it was ready! I will have to make it again because I think it'd be delicious with biscuits and/or lentil loaf.

I get annoyed with following recipes. So my method of cooking is very similar to my method for acting. In acting, I do the research and get my lines down. When it is time to act, I stop thinking and trust that the work I did will give me the freedom to be creative and real. In cooking, I watch a lot of cooking shows, peruse my "How to Cook Everything Vegetarian" bible, make sure I have the general ingredients and then let myself loosely experiment. I am glad to be here in LA. There are still aspects of life here that are difficult but I truly believe with time and work, we will be in a good place. I am full. Onaka ippai! (what I would say at my old job.) But I think some Chocolate Peanutbutter Swirl ice cream is in order. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I have not been doing well with NaNoWriMo. =( However, I have a good excuse for this week! I'm auditioning for  UCB Sketch team later today so I have been working on 3 minutes of comedic material to do... so I had to put my creative energy elsewhere.

I turned 30. I'm 30! I didn't really plan anything and it's not like I expected to feel a huge shift in my life but I'm pretty proud of myself because I wanted to move back to California, get into shape and not work in a restaurant before 30... and I did it! Living in LA has been tough and there's still much work to be done in terms of getting into shape but I'm glad those goals have momentum behind them so I'm starting my 30's doing what I want to be doing. I'm still not sure where acting fits into my life but for the time being, I want to keep doing it whenever I get the chance and I want to keep growing as an artist. It's such a cliche but it's very much true.