Work is taking up all of my time and for the most part I like it. It's good to keep busy. But I get home and I can't stand to turn the computer on because I'm staring at one all day at work. It's a miracle I'm even on it right now, writing this blog. I'm reading a collection of short stories by Murakami... is that how you spell his name? Anyway, he writes about the difference between writing a novel and writing a short story in the intro. He prefers the latter. I found this inspiring because I'm always having a hard time finishing anything I write and so maybe the short story format is a good way to go... less pressure. And Jen sent me this: http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Perfect timing! Besides going to work, I've mostly just been eating and watching my DVRed shows during the week and on the weekends I just read and do yoga. It's nice... but there's that part of me that makes me feel like I need to start being more ambitious... how or what I don't know. Maybe it's okay to live and breathe in the moment and not be shooting for something. I don't know and I'm starting to be okay with not knowing. Anyway, off to bed. I'm pooped.

I think I like my new job. Everyone is nice. The hard part is everyone wanting to hear about my life in NYC and the acting. I understand that they are curious. I'm not ashamed of the last 8 years of my life but I'm not really wanting to talk about it with people I just met. Anyway, I just want to enjoy the moment. That's my life philosophy right now.  But isn't that what you're supposed to do in life anyway? I have questions about my future. Am I going to work for this non-profit forever? Am I going to go to Grad. School? If I go to Grad. School what will I study? Am I going to stop acting forever?

I had my second class show yesterday. I wasn't as relaxed as I was in the first one but Manny said he thought this show was even better so that's good to know. I'm a little sad because I'm not sure when the next time I'm going to get to do some improv. is now that this class is over. Everyone in my class auditioned for a Harold team at UCB this week. I didn't do it because I didn't feel ready. But what does "ready" even mean? I guess I was too scared. I admit it. Anyway, I'm still hoping to put together a practice group and hopefully we can start performing and officially be a team. Improv. is in my blood. It's such a nerd activity which is probably why I like it.

I'm still working at the yoga studio Saturday mornings... a little extra money and free, unlimited yoga. Granted I have to wake up at 6am on Saturdays, I think the pros outweight the cons. The guy that leads the AA yoga thanked me for having the donation envelope and the candles ready for him everytime he comes in. He said no one ever did that for his meetings. I told him that I wanted to do whatever I could to make things easier and I meant it. Sometimes I think of working in counseling or social work or something like that. My non-profit provides those kinds of social services... but that would mean I have to go back to school and I'm not ready to make that kind of committment. And I'm really sensitive and a lot of times things affect me more deeply and strongly than other people. It kind of sucks.

The new job seems good. Training was a little overwhelming and I had to meet so many people. Everyone was curious about me. They heard I was Theresa's friend and that I also lived in NYC. Then people would ask me why I lived there so I said I used to be an actor. Then they asked why I moved to LA and I just said it was for my boyfriend's acting career. Then the girl training me asked me if I liked to eat because I'm really skinny. I was offended because honestly I eat like a truckdriver so if I'm skinny it's just genetics (I know. I feel bad when I say that because people hate me for it but I also had to endure being called "boner" in 8th grade because I was "bony" so I deserve to eat what I want and not get fat.) And besides, she doesn't know me so who cares what she thinks. But I know that when she finds out I don't eat meat she's going to say some shit because everyone does.  Me being an actor and a vegetarian seems to confuse people in general. They just don't know what to make of me.

I started getting sad on the bus ride home because I wondered if this was it for me. Am I going to keep working at this place for years to come? Manny keeps telling me to make a plan now that I finally have some sort of stability with the job and what not. But right now my only plan is to do well at this job. I can't think too much ahead.

I had my first UCB class show today. My cousin, her husband, Manny and 2 friends came. I felt loved. =) And they all said I was really funny so that felt good. It took awhile for me to get my improv. mojo going because transitioning to LA was stressing me out and I was thrown off by the fact that my class is 13 men and 2 women.  I'm very happy with how the show turned out. I felt so relaxed onstage and I didn't feel like I had to force anything. It's a great feeling. And one of the guys in class actually patted me on the back and said I was great afterwards. Most importantly, I performed in LA for the first time!

So what's the plan right now? I guess it's kind of broad. Basically I want to do everything that makes me happy and I'd like to really make LA my home (save some money, decorate my apartment, make friends etc.). The rest will come! (This is the pep talk I have to give myself when I get an anxiety attack.) Wow. I just read through the above paragraphs. One minute I'm freaking out and the next I'm feeling good...

I walked down Melrose Ave. today and it was wonderful. The weather was perfect and I just perused all the funky shops down there. I also remembered how the last time I walked there I was handing out my resume to restaurants and I really felt like I had reached rock bottom. I want to appreciate everything and I never want to be ungrateful or complain about anything ever again.

I go into the office tomorrow for a little training. I'm nervous because with any job it takes awhile to learn all the little things that are specific to that job and to get to know the people you work with. I guess I also feel nervous because this job means a lot to me and I want to do a great job and not have them regret hiring me. When I went in for the interview I was worried about some of the gaps in my resume. The gaps were when I was temping, waiting tables or doing some other random job while I was acting. But I'm glad they saw that the 3 years of actual work experience I did have was good. I feel like everyone at the office will think I'm 23 because I think this job is for someone fresh out of school, but at the same time, I think I'll do a much better job now at age 29 than if I were to do the job when I was 23.

It rained a lot yesterday and my apartment is a little chilly today. This makes me miss NYC so much. Autumn in the city can't be beat. If I was there I'd be wearing boots and a cuddly sweater but here I have on a T-shirt and my flats with no socks. But when there's a blizzard over there, I'm sure I will be happy walking the streets of LA without even a coat on.

I got the job. =) No waiting tables for me! I am now going to work as an office manager for a non-profit that provides social services to the Asian community. The HR woman who interviewed me said there was room for growth within the organization and they like to hire from within. We'll see where this takes me... I am so grateful, so happy to have stability. I was lucky enough to have a friend who forwarded my resume to them. I'm still going to try and stay on at the yoga studio at least for Saturday mornings. It'll just be a little extra money and of course... free yoga. I can't believe I'm a 9-5 person now. I don't know what this means for my acting or my future but at this point it is a happy day.

Then comes the part where I have to get trained and then it'll take some time to get used to a new job, but I'm ready! I am going to get a discounted bus pass and use that instead of driving every day. I think I will save a lot on gas and I'm looking at the bus ride as time to read and write a little.

I received the nice phone call while we were at Target yesterday debating on what dish rack to get. We ended up not getting the dish rack because the better quality one would have cost almost $20... is that normal for a freaking dish rack?! The $10 was so cheaply made I didn't want to buy that one either.

Anyway, we went to the new West Hollywood Library yesterday too. It is beautiful. I am glad my tax dollars are being put to good use. I went to pick-up my copy of "Mockingjay"! I haven't started reading it yet because the minute I do, I won't be able to concentrate on anything else.

I think people are dissatisfied when something in his/her life needs to change. But sometimes people can be dissatsified because they're not being grateful for the great things they do have. How do you tell the difference? I woke up yesterday feeling dissatisfied. I was restless, anxious and not able to do anything without getting incredibly annoyed and pissed. I thought yoga might help so I did a one hour yoga intensive where I sweat buckets and then did an hour and a half of restorative yoga to relax me. Sadly I came home and was still really pissy. And that feeling has carried over into today. I guess rather than try to control it, I should just accept it for what it is. I'm not going to try to analyze it. I am just going to go about my day and try to keep it all under control. Let's see how well that goes...

So I didn't get the UCB Diversity scholarship again. My application was "deferred to a high number of applicants" but I am invited to reapply in December. My first thought was that I was doing crappy in class but I realize that (a) I got the scholarship once already (b) I am in the highest level before the advanced program begins. So I understand that there are new people who've never even taken a class before. I get it. I do. I'm bummed but I'm not taking this personally. I can always keep up with the practice group my class sort of started. Wow. Look how mature I am.