I got the job. =) No waiting tables for me! I am now going to work as an office manager for a non-profit that provides social services to the Asian community. The HR woman who interviewed me said there was room for growth within the organization and they like to hire from within. We'll see where this takes me... I am so grateful, so happy to have stability. I was lucky enough to have a friend who forwarded my resume to them. I'm still going to try and stay on at the yoga studio at least for Saturday mornings. It'll just be a little extra money and of course... free yoga. I can't believe I'm a 9-5 person now. I don't know what this means for my acting or my future but at this point it is a happy day.

Then comes the part where I have to get trained and then it'll take some time to get used to a new job, but I'm ready! I am going to get a discounted bus pass and use that instead of driving every day. I think I will save a lot on gas and I'm looking at the bus ride as time to read and write a little.

I received the nice phone call while we were at Target yesterday debating on what dish rack to get. We ended up not getting the dish rack because the better quality one would have cost almost $20... is that normal for a freaking dish rack?! The $10 was so cheaply made I didn't want to buy that one either.

Anyway, we went to the new West Hollywood Library yesterday too. It is beautiful. I am glad my tax dollars are being put to good use. I went to pick-up my copy of "Mockingjay"! I haven't started reading it yet because the minute I do, I won't be able to concentrate on anything else.

I think people are dissatisfied when something in his/her life needs to change. But sometimes people can be dissatsified because they're not being grateful for the great things they do have. How do you tell the difference? I woke up yesterday feeling dissatisfied. I was restless, anxious and not able to do anything without getting incredibly annoyed and pissed. I thought yoga might help so I did a one hour yoga intensive where I sweat buckets and then did an hour and a half of restorative yoga to relax me. Sadly I came home and was still really pissy. And that feeling has carried over into today. I guess rather than try to control it, I should just accept it for what it is. I'm not going to try to analyze it. I am just going to go about my day and try to keep it all under control. Let's see how well that goes...

So I didn't get the UCB Diversity scholarship again. My application was "deferred to a high number of applicants" but I am invited to reapply in December. My first thought was that I was doing crappy in class but I realize that (a) I got the scholarship once already (b) I am in the highest level before the advanced program begins. So I understand that there are new people who've never even taken a class before. I get it. I do. I'm bummed but I'm not taking this personally. I can always keep up with the practice group my class sort of started. Wow. Look how mature I am.

Yesterday was quite a day. I had an interview for a job I want so bad... so, so bad. I don't even want to talk about it because it gives me anxiety so I'll leave it at that for now. I had my improv. class and it was awesome. I am definitely getting my comfort on stage back. I initiated a scene about "sensual basket weaving" and it was a real crowd pleaser... I'm in a class full of dudes yet for some reason I feel like I come up with the dirtiest stuff but when I do, they love it and jump on the bandwagon without hesitation. Haha! I've been feeling weird this week... a little good, a little bad, a little happy, a little sad... all over the place. We finally have a bed and let me just say that it is amazing... simply amazing. I saw my cousin today and we had lunch at a yummy gastropub. I don't go out to eat that much these days so when I do it's a real treat. I miss my family and I just can't wait until Thanksgiving to see them! I'm hoping we are in an even better place so we can enjoy the holiday. It was fun going to Connecticut for my cousin's wedding in July but the whole time I was still slightly stressed and down so I couldn't fully enjoy myself... though we did do lots of eating, drinking, dancing and karaoke. I actually drank so much I puked for like the first time in years... and it was kind of awesome. Gross, I know. Anyway, sending positive vibes out into the universe for Manny and I!

I had an amazing time at home. It was so great to see my mom, brother and sister-in-law. It still feels weird to say "sister-in-law" but I like it. I have another family member! She is staying with my mom until the end of December when my brother should finish the last of his training and then will be stationed somewhere. I am hoping it's Seattle so I can visit! My sister-in-law brought her dog Mei-Mei from Taiwan and the dog is so darling. I think it'll be good for my mom to have a dog staying with her for a few months. My mom's home is so comfy and makes me feel safe and loved. It was hard leaving early Monday morning to drive back to LA. I'm still sad because I miss my family so much but this motivates me to work harder and to get to a good place so they won't worry about me. Although things are at times rough here, I am beyond grateful that my mom is a 6 hour drive away. She gave me a bunch of house stuff that she had sitting around the garage and random closets in the house. It was all nice stuff too! So glad that I could fill up my sadly empty apartment with stuff and that I could help de-clutter my mom's house.

My extended family is generally no-drama. However, Saturday I had to deal with 2 relatives in a not fun way. The first was my cousin just straight up being rude. She didn't know that Manny and I moved to LA. Then when she asked us what for, we told her. She then proceeded to say, "Well usually when you move somewhere, you find a job first. For example, if I wanted to move to NYC, I might apply for jobs in that area, fly there for the interview and then after I am hired, the company would pay for my move. That's usually how it works." So I told her that unfortunately it does not work that way for actors. I left it at that. I didn't want to call her out on her rudeness. I was so angry and then a part of me started feeling like she was right! And then those feelings started eating away at me but then I was able to remind myself not to take things personally so I talked myself down and was able to enjoy the rest of the evening. Then my aunt pulled me aside and asked if I needed anything because she had some extra house stuff which was nice of her but then she said maybe I'd consider moving back home to Folsom or to the Bay Area to be closer to my mom. I told her that because of the things I am pursuing, LA is where I need to be at the present time. Then she started telling me to get in touch with so and so because they might know someone who could do "this" or "that" for me. So I just nodded and let it go again. They have no idea what I do or who I am. I don't judge their lives and if I were to be a bitch, I could easily say something about my cousin's life but I don't. I honestly don't even think about her life because it's none of my business and even if I did think about it, it would be because I am genuinely interested and want to know more about it because she's my family after all.

So we got a bed today thanks to Manny's sister. Sigh. I feel guilt, extreme guilt. I am writing her a check the minute I get some gainful employment.

I've been watching a lot of TV shows and movies because we have DVR. It's nice because I fast-forward through the commercials and I only record stuff that I think is great. This keeps me from just turning the TV on and watching crap for hours at a time.

I would love to be exploring LA more but I don't have the heart for it right now. Activities like watching tv, reading, yoga and neighborhood walks are "safe" activities for me. I'm not ready to leave my comfort zone. I'm going inward these days as opposed to NYC where I was running around, out and about all the time. It's weird how my life is the complete opposite of what it was 5 months ago. But that's life I guess.

A guy from my improv. group in NYC had some sad news today. Him and his wife lost their baby. It was such awful news and made me realize what's important and that life is so precious.

We're not leaving to visit my family until tomorrow. I'm a little bummed because it's one less day I get to spend with them but Manny got an interview so at this point we have to do whatever it takes for both of us to be fully employed. Today has been a weird day. I've been writing, reading, trying to figure things out. I don't know how to approach things in general these days. Should I simply let go and go with the flow or should I figure out exactly what I want and then focus on it like a laser? I would say the solution is the in-between but I haven't figured out how to do that either. I thought about grad. school for awhile and found a program that was of interest at Pepperdine but for the time being, I'm going to shelve that idea. I'm not ready for that committment and to go back to school. UCLA has some extension courses and although they are pricey I think it'd be nice to take one of the courses and stretch my brain a little bit without putting too much pressure on myself.

Last night we treated ourselves to Chinese food and it was nice. We actually sat and ate at our dining table. It felt strange because in NYC Manny and I had opposite schedules so I got used to eating alone... we also didn't have a dining table so if we did eat together it was usually on the couch in front of the TV... which is bad... and we did that for 4 years!

Before dinner we did our usual walk around the neighborhood and I saw a guy stretching his quads and as we got closer to him... I realized I knew him! He was in my 301 class last year at UCB NY and we actually got along really well. We've been living down the street from each other for the last 3 months! But he told me he was sadly moving on Sunday and staying at his mom's outside of LA because his roommate is unstable... anyway, we're going to meet up for lunch next week and it made me so happy to see a familiar face. What's funny is that when we take walks around our neighborhood, they're always at random times and we always take a different route... what if we hard gone down a different street? or what if we had left a little earlier or later? I might not have run into this guy! On our walk last night we also met Demetrius' owner who was so nice and we had a conversation with him about cats being indoor/outdoor. I love meeting cat lovers. I'm kind of shy when I first meet people but if it's about cats, it's easy for me to open up and engage in conversation.

Everyday feels so long and drawn out and I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. But when I write about my days on this blog, I realize that things did happen and I'm not stagnant... patience, patience, patience! Grrr... so hard... damn you New York City for making me like this!

Improv. class yesterday was interesting. We had mid-class evaluations and my teacher basically told me that I have my shit down but I play very low energy onstage... this upset me because usually when I do improv, I jump out and I'm nuts. I'm not shy. I'm not polite. I'm completely ON. So I realized that I've been bringing my personal issues to my improv. and that is very, very bad. So the teacher asked me to choose an action for my character and initiate a scene with my partner. The one word suggestion was "glass" so I started pouring myself shots and downing them... the scene lead to me playing a 19 year old girl getting smashed because she thinks she's too old. My teacher loved it. So I have 3 more classes and 2 shows to prove to the teacher that I have what it takes to get to the advanced level... eeeek! Also, my teacher is in charge of the UCB Diversity scholarships so if I want to keep getting the scholarship I better impress him! It's a lot of pressure but I know I can bring back that confident performer that I used to be. As one of my super hero yoga teachers says, "You always have a choice." So I am choosing to check my baggage at the door when it comes to my improv.

I am missing NYC so much today. I miss eating lunch in the East Village by myself. I miss grabbing a coffee and sitting outside people watching. I miss the Indian spice store I used to go to. I miss cheap but delicious falafel. I miss reading on the long train ride home after work. I miss going to the UCB training center and seeing familiar faces. I miss going to the UCB theatre and seeing more familiar faces. I miss my Astoria vegetable stand with the big, fat, white cat. I miss ordering cheap Chinese food from Golden Dragon with Manny. I love my current yoga studio but I still miss my old studio. I even miss my old job where everyone I worked with was a friend at at the end of the night I got to eat a delicious, vegan Japanese meal. But life is always changing and I want to embrace my new life here. It's unfolding ever so slowly but that's where I have to exercise patience. Soon I'll find my niche and have a good routine going. This job search is getting so frustrating. I feel so stuck, unbelieveably, horribly stuck. If only my yoga studio job paid twice as much, then I wouldn't have to do something else.