We're not leaving to visit my family until tomorrow. I'm a little bummed because it's one less day I get to spend with them but Manny got an interview so at this point we have to do whatever it takes for both of us to be fully employed. Today has been a weird day. I've been writing, reading, trying to figure things out. I don't know how to approach things in general these days. Should I simply let go and go with the flow or should I figure out exactly what I want and then focus on it like a laser? I would say the solution is the in-between but I haven't figured out how to do that either. I thought about grad. school for awhile and found a program that was of interest at Pepperdine but for the time being, I'm going to shelve that idea. I'm not ready for that committment and to go back to school. UCLA has some extension courses and although they are pricey I think it'd be nice to take one of the courses and stretch my brain a little bit without putting too much pressure on myself.

Last night we treated ourselves to Chinese food and it was nice. We actually sat and ate at our dining table. It felt strange because in NYC Manny and I had opposite schedules so I got used to eating alone... we also didn't have a dining table so if we did eat together it was usually on the couch in front of the TV... which is bad... and we did that for 4 years!

Before dinner we did our usual walk around the neighborhood and I saw a guy stretching his quads and as we got closer to him... I realized I knew him! He was in my 301 class last year at UCB NY and we actually got along really well. We've been living down the street from each other for the last 3 months! But he told me he was sadly moving on Sunday and staying at his mom's outside of LA because his roommate is unstable... anyway, we're going to meet up for lunch next week and it made me so happy to see a familiar face. What's funny is that when we take walks around our neighborhood, they're always at random times and we always take a different route... what if we hard gone down a different street? or what if we had left a little earlier or later? I might not have run into this guy! On our walk last night we also met Demetrius' owner who was so nice and we had a conversation with him about cats being indoor/outdoor. I love meeting cat lovers. I'm kind of shy when I first meet people but if it's about cats, it's easy for me to open up and engage in conversation.

Everyday feels so long and drawn out and I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. But when I write about my days on this blog, I realize that things did happen and I'm not stagnant... patience, patience, patience! Grrr... so hard... damn you New York City for making me like this!

Improv. class yesterday was interesting. We had mid-class evaluations and my teacher basically told me that I have my shit down but I play very low energy onstage... this upset me because usually when I do improv, I jump out and I'm nuts. I'm not shy. I'm not polite. I'm completely ON. So I realized that I've been bringing my personal issues to my improv. and that is very, very bad. So the teacher asked me to choose an action for my character and initiate a scene with my partner. The one word suggestion was "glass" so I started pouring myself shots and downing them... the scene lead to me playing a 19 year old girl getting smashed because she thinks she's too old. My teacher loved it. So I have 3 more classes and 2 shows to prove to the teacher that I have what it takes to get to the advanced level... eeeek! Also, my teacher is in charge of the UCB Diversity scholarships so if I want to keep getting the scholarship I better impress him! It's a lot of pressure but I know I can bring back that confident performer that I used to be. As one of my super hero yoga teachers says, "You always have a choice." So I am choosing to check my baggage at the door when it comes to my improv.