I'm writing this entry so I can remember exactly how awful I felt today. I know that sounds like such a downer but I'm doing this because I truly believe things will workout and in a few months we'll be happy because in life that's all that really matters, happiness. I walked down Melrose Ave. with a stack of server resumes. I was having flashbacks to when I had to do this at age 22 but it was the Upper Westside. I started crying but I made myself stop. It's amazing how a job that earns money is what society uses to define a person? I remember when I worked at Kajitsu and the manager would tell me so-and-so was some photographer and then that guy was a fucking douche and self-absorbed.. But because he's a successful photographer he should be respected and treated well?  I really only waited tables for a collective 3 years in my 20's but sometimes it feels like 10 years. I refuse to let the position I'm in define who I am as a person. It's been tough lately to believe in myself and know that I am capable of doing great things but at this point if I don't believe in myself, who will? What did I expect by leaving literally everything behind and coming here? I guess I feel like I paid my dues in NYC. I suffered, worked, survived... and I have to do it all over again in LA?! What?! But this time I am older and wiser. This time I am not alone. This time, I know what I want out of life. So if I look at all that, how can I fail? Walking down Melrose today, I felt like I failed... failed at the job search, failed at life... FAILED AT LIFE. Dear God. What does that even mean? Is that what a homeless person is? Someone who failed at life?