I've spent many years trying to fit in when I should've just embraced who I was. But I also spent a lot of years somewhat embracing me (my time in NYC) and then wishing I fit in more. Now I'm kind of just floating... it's an awful feeling. One of my co-workers writes, produces and acts in her own projects. She doesn't have a lot of money and she's one of the most grounded, together people I've ever met. She's only a little older than me but I see how she lives her life and she inspires me. She credits yoga and meditation for helping her to get to a good place. Right now living in LA and making such little money at my job doesn't feel like it has a purpose so I'm not enjoying it. The purpose was supposed to be to pursue acting professionally but I don't have that fire in me anymore. I don't know if it's temporary or if it's one of those things that will come back to me 10 years from now. I don't want to use the economy as an excuse but after getting through to some temping/employment agencies, it's clear that the prospect of me getting a simple administrative assistant job will be tough. I've been thinking about getting into transcription. Manny used to work with transcribers at his old job so he's been able to offer me some advice about how to break into it. I've been practicing increasing my typing speed to 90wpm with no errors and I'm going to start putting on some movies and getting used to listening and typing. This blog is good for me to write down my plans because by putting it out there for everyone (haha... all TWO of you) to read, it holds me accountable. I don't know how much I'd make as a transcriber but as long as I can pay for all my necessities, treat myself to dinner occasionally and put a little away so we can make a trip to NYC for the holidays, I'll be a happy girl. It'd be nice to work from home. I really like my apartment. It's spacious and airy with plenty of natural light. I also really like the smooth hardwood floors. All I really want to do these days is yoga, improv. and to write... and when I say write I mean what I do on my blog... to let everything out... to acknowledge all these thoughts and feelings I have.

Today we drove to the UCB theatre in Hollywood. I wasn't paying attention and I missed a turn which lead me up a long, windy road past Mulholland Drive! I start panicking and Manny had to calm me down. I'm still not used to driving and I honestly avoid it at all costs. But come Thursday, I will have to drive 7 hours to visit my family. Driving is so easy for most people. It's hard for me to talk about my struggles with it because it makes me feel embarassed and like I failed at something I should have learned when I was 16. I hate driving with someone in the car that's not Manny because I almost always drive worse and then get flustered. Anyway, I guess I can thank LA for forcing me to face this fear head on.